Thursday, October 8, 2015

FanDuel NFL Week 5: Fuck, Marry, Kill

Don't you dare take my FanDuel away from me!

ICYMI, some dude who works for Draft Kings won a boat load of money on FanDuel (you can't play on your own site), and people are freaking out because he may or may not have had inside information on player ownership numbers.

My big question: Say that he has the Draft Kings' ownership info. Does that really apply to FanDuel ownerships more than say, a plugged in DFS writer like this guy, who gives weekly projections on player ownership levels? I mean, the two websites have major differences. DK uses a flex position. Their salaries are quite a bit different. It doesn't seem like the information would be that much more valuable than someone who is well researched.

Regardless, the story has gained steam, and is now being investigated by some guy in New York, who we trust to make decisions for us because he wears a suit to work. Hopefully, no wrongdoing is found, and the DFS landscape stays the same. But if something groundbreaking were to happen, it could go one of two ways:

1. Shadiness is uncovered between FanDuel and Draft Kings, the Twitter pitchforks come out, and DFS encounters the danger of being ostracized out of the U.S. like online poker.

2. Somebody important realizes how silly all of this is and starts a movement to legalize gambling across the board. I'm not really sure why this would happen exactly, I just really, really want it to happen. And we all can trust that our political leaders have our best interests in heart right? Right.

On to the Week 5 FMK's (find an old post for FMK explanations)...

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Enter The Dirk League for Week 5 on FanDuel


Fuck - Jameis Winston ($6400) - He's gonna have his highs and lows this year. Just remember, the highs help you more than the lows hurt you. Despite his picadilly-six-itis this season, Jameis has accounted for 7 TD's in 4 games with a low point total of 13.74. He's super cheap this week and gets Jacksonville at home. Good spot.

Marry - Tom Brady ($8800) - You see the line on Patriots at Cowboys this week? 10 points! Here's the deal - Vegas is all in on the Patriots. They're having 2007 flashbacks right now. FanDuel isn't quite there yet. Brady still costs loss than Rodgers. He shouldn't. I will have him in multiple lineups every week.

Kill - Andy Dalton ($7300) - Even though The Red Rocket looked better than Rodgers did against the Chiefs, even with the addition of Sean Smith, he's got a tough matchup this week. Here's my list of pass defenses to avoid in 2015: Broncos, Jets, Panthers, Seahawks and maybe the Vikings.

Facebook pokes - Carson Palmer, Eli Manning, Philip Rivers, Blake Bortles

Running Back

Fuck - Anthony Dixon ($4500) - He's the guy to watch here. McCoy is already out and Karlos Williams got a concussion last week so he'll probably sit unless Bill Snyder suddenly becomes their coach. If he's out, I'll probably have Boobie in every lineup I make. It's rare you get to play a FanDuel minimum at a skill position in a good spot like this.

Marry - LeVeon Bell ($9000) - And that should save you enough money to play LeVeon this week, an absolutely fantasy monster, who gets the league's worst run defense in terms of yards per carry (San Diego). Hey, maybe Todd Haley will even consider giving it to him on 3rd and 4th and short with the game on the line this week.

Kill - Devonta Freeman ($7600) - It's a "Is he for real, for real?" game for Freeman this week, who draws the Redskins' 2nd ranked run defense. Six touchdowns in his last two weeks, I might use him once or twice, but I'll mostly be fading him this week.

Facebook pokes - Jamaal Charles, Justin Forsett, Todd Gurley, Dion Lewis

Wide Receiver

Fuck - Kamar Aiken ($5800) - Follow those injuries. Steve Smith is out. TE Crockett Gillmore is questionable. Aiken is their #1 option now, and put up a 5-77-1 with Smith missing about a half last week. Plus he plays the Browns.

Marry - Odell Beckham ($9000) - Fits my WR1 coming off a bad game theory (See: AJ Green here). I thought he might struggle this season. He faced a lot a lot a lot of hype all offseason, as a 22 year old living in New York City. That's a lot to handle. It'd be tough to not to let all of that get to you in one way or another. So far he's only had one big game, but this is a good spot for him. I will probably have a few Eli/Odell stacks.

Kill - Antonio Brown ($8600) - He's a stay away until Big Ben is back in the fold. Don't think twice.

Facebook pokes - Julian Edelman, Keenan Allen, Mike Evans, Larry Fitzgerald, Jeremy Maclin, Allen Robinson, Pierre Garcon

Tight End

Gronk - Owen Daniels ($4900) - Oakland vs. TE's is real and it's spectacular. Yahoo Fantasy points for TE's vs the Raiders this year: 28.9, 23.3, 21.5, 19.8. And you've never heard of two of those tight ends.

Marry - Rob Gronkowski ($8400) - How ya gonna Gronk Owen and marry Gronk? How'd you get the beans above the frank?

Kill - Antonio Gates ($5500) - Going back to my strategy last week: You don't need to be first on a guy. We don't know with Gates. He could've gotten really old this offseason. Will the chemistry with Rivers return immediately? Best to stay away until we know.

Facebook pokes - Tyler Eifert, Delanie Walker, Derek Carrier


Fuck - Josh Lambo ($4500) - Gave him to you last week and he came through with 14 points. He's my immediate plug in at kicker, go back and spend up with any leftover money.

Marry - Stephen Gostkowski ($5000) - Play. All. Patriots. 

Kill - Kyle Brindza ($4500) - This dude missed 5 FG's and 2 XP's in the last two weeks. That's outstanding. But seriously, don't play him, because he got cut this week.


Fuck - Buccaneers ($4000) - The cheapest defense is playable this week at home against Jacksonville. Will be plugging them in more than a few lineups.

Marry - Broncos ($4900) - The NFL record for sacks in a season is 72. The Broncos are on pace for 72. And they have the best pair of CB's in the league. By far. How the fuck does Denver go from having an elite QB straight to having an elite defense? I guess I should be somewhat happy we didn't see 2011 Peyton with this 2015 defense. That may have been the greatest team of all time.

Kill - Roger Goodell. ICYMI last week, this is where my weekly segment of Goodell Got It Right will reside. Cause somebody needs to be on his side right? This week - Thursday Night Football. Oh, I love it. Yes, it's written in the contract for every journalist who covers the NFL that they must complain about the quality of action each and every Thursday night. But you know what lackluster NFL games are a whole lot better than? No NFL games. I wish it were on every night of the week (not really, cause when would I FanDuel?). I'm also told I'm supposed to care about the safety of the players, playing on a short week. Sorry, but I don't. But I do care about some me. Which is why I think Rog and I would get along so well.

Facebook pokes - Giants, Ravens, Chiefs, Bengals, Packers

My #1 FanDuel Lineup

QB - Tom Brady
RB - LeVeon Bell
RB - BOOBIES Dixon (Check on Karlos Williams' health)
WR - Mike Evans
WR - Larry Fitzgerald
WR - Kamar Aiken
TE - Rob Gronkowski
K - Josh Lambo

DEF - Bucs

***If you're new to FanDuel, follow this link and click the yellow tab in the top right corner, and put in promo code DIRK to get special savings and make me monies***

Enter The Dirk League for Week 5 on FanDuel

Just one thing, Dude - do you have to use so many cuss words?

His Dirkness

Friday, October 2, 2015

FanDuel NFL Week 4: Fuck, Marry, Kill

Lets start this bad boy off with your half baked anecdote of the week: Why are NFL games scheduled on TV for the absolute minimum amount of game time of 3 hours? Last night's game was scheduled for two hours and 50 minutes on CBS, and sure enough, it went to overtime.

C'mon, we're living in a DVR world now. And I know everybody reading this has been in a situation where they forgot to extend their recording and missed the end of a sporting event (mine was the LeBron 48 Special, where he scored the final 25 points or whatever - sup Rob and Dave?). Can't we schedule games for 3.5 hours? Are we hurting all the TV Guide subscribers? Shouldn't we have live updates for our guide by now, anyways? It just doesn't make sense to me. But, to be fair, I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about generally unimportant things like this.

On to the FMK's…

(If you aren't familiar with the format, you can read the beginning of last week's article where I was pretty hit and miss - I did give you guys AJ Green, though)

***If you're new to FanDuel, follow this link and click the yellow tab in the top right corner, and put in promo code DIRK to get special savings and make me monies***

Enter The Dirk League for Week 4 on FanDuel


Fuck - David Carr ($7000) - Saw a fun list of all the QB/RB/WR's to go 300/100/100 yards in a game where all three players were 25 or younger. Sounds pretty ideal right? Got your skill positions lined up for years to come. Until you look at the list. And it's got Lawrence Phillips on it. And Kyle Boller. And JP Losman. And really, none of the triplets worked out in full, which is weird. Where are Aikman/Emmitt/Irvin or Peyton/Edgerrin/Marvin? I have no idea. Anyways, Carr has two straight 300-2 games and gets the Bears this week and, well, I could throw for 300-2 on the Bears.

Marry - Aaron Rodgers ($9400) - The man could impregnate all five eligible WR's on a single snap, of course I'm gonna play him on FanDuel.

Kill - Andrew Luck ($9100) - He hasn't looked right all season. And now he's not practicing with a shoulder injury. I rode him hard last week, thinking big time bounce back potential. But now I'm thinking about tacking up this FanDuel strategy to my list of commandments - Don't try to be first on a guy, or try and take chances on a guy's health. Let it happen first and then pounce. Examples: Mike Evans coming off his injury? Puts up a squadoosh in Week 2. Marshawn Lynch iffy all week? Don't force it. I even used this with LeVeon Bell coming off his suspension last week. And he actually performed well but it didn't kill me. And now I know he's good to go. There's just always other options out there. So play it safe when it comes to a struggling player or injuries or anything unknown.

Facebook pokes - Cam Newton, Carson Palmer, Tyrod Taylor

Running Backs

Fuck - Injury reports. There is a lot of value to be had at RB this week, just not sure where exactly yet. LeSean McCoy is out, so Karlos Williams is ready to roll despite the Giants' 2nd ranked run defense. Devonta Freeman should do work again if Tevin Coleman sits. No DeMarco? Fire up Ryan Mathews, who got the Eagles ground game going last week. And your biggest sleeper, if Marshawn Lynch can't go, is Thomas Rawls (Bill's son). I will be monitoring these situations up until noon on Sunday.

Marry - Eddie Lacy ($7800) - He was eased back into the lineup last week. But don't fear, his backup - James Starks - posted 32 yards on 17 carries. That means his job is safe. The Packers should win this game comfortably, which should mean plenty of Lacy. Meanwhile, last week, the 49ers gave up 110-2 to a RB who's so old that his nickname references Y2K (Chris Johnson).

Kill - Joseph Randle ($7400) - A few stats on why not: Last week, he began the game with 85 yards on three runs. After that, he ran the ball 11 times for 2 yards. In addition, he only played 23 of the team's 54 snaps on offense. It's a three back rotation in Dallas, and I believe last week will be the best you see from Randle all season.

Facebook pokes - Matt Forte, Latavius Murray, Melvin Gordon

Wide Receivers

Fuck - Jordan Matthews ($7000) - I might as well just marry him right? Regardless, the Redskins are banged up at CB and play the run well. The thing to watch with this is Hurricane Joaquin. Since daily fantasy is so damn popular, we get incredibly nerdy studies that show passing games are most affected by high winds. Neither rain, nor sleet, nor snow (IT'S THE FIRST ONE!). So if Joaquin's a blowing, I'll go Amari Cooper to play it safe, or Anquan Boldin if you're feeling bold.

Marry - Julio Jones ($9400) - He currently leads the NFL in targets, receptions, receiving Yards, and first down receptions. Maybe Don Julio can track down Fitz this week, who's one score in front of him. By the way, the Falcons next six games - Texans, Redskins, @Saints, @Titans, Bucs, @49ers. They could be 9-0 when they host the Colts coming off their bye week (eerily similar to the 2013 Chiefs).

Kill - Larry Fitzgerald ($7400) - Because I'm an idiot, who's in denial. Because I haven't played him all season and I don't want to admit I'm wrong. I just thought he was done. I will say this - Before Fitz went back to back 100 yard games, he had hit the century mark only 5 times in his last 44 games. Is he really gonna hit it three times in a row now? God, I hope not.

Facebook pokes - Randall Cobb, DeAndre Hopkins, Amari Cooper, Anquan Boldin, James Jones, Michael Crabtree

Tight Ends

Gronk - Martellus Bennett ($5500) - Perhaps the most amazing stat of the week - TE's against Oakland this year: Tyler Eifert 9-104-2, Crockett Gilmore 5-88-2, and Gary Barnidge, The Ogre, 6-105-1. Can you imagine what'll happen when they actually face a good TE? Martellus might be somewhat hamstrung by his QB this week. But Travis Kelce is gonna put up 17-264-5 against them this year. Per game.

Marry - Greg Olsen ($6300) - Your safest bet every week because Carolina's #2 option in the passing game is Ted Ginn Jr. Last two weeks for Third Leg: 14-204-2. 

Kill - Jimmy Graham ($6600) - I was on him for one week, and one week only, because of his public complaints about his role, and cushy game against the Bears. The Seahawks did force it to him a bit, but I don't think he's as good as he used to be. I dunno if it's too many injuries or what, but I'm passing on this week's highest priced TE.

Facebook pokes - Travis Kelce, Jordan Reed, Charles Clay, Coby Fleener


Fuck - Josh Lambo ($4500) - Fair warning, my kickers have sucked this season. Maybe I need to reevaluate my strategy a little bit. He's my favorite cheap option this week though.

Marry - Brandon McManus ($4900) - Denver will forever have good kickers.

Kill - Kyle Brindza ($4500) - The Tampa Bay kicker went 1-4 on FG's last week, and missed his only extra point attempt. And yet, he will make $435,000 this year. Start teaching your kid to kick field goals now.


Fuck - Falcons ($4200) - The cheapest I'd go this week. Not crazy about it, but you get a big favorite at home against an erratic QB.

Marry - Cardinals ($5000) - Did you know they had two Pickin' Sixy Backs in the first 6 minutes last week? That's the quickest it's ever been done. Tyrann Mathieu is a bonafide stud - Who woulda thought - the playmaker who slid in the Draft because of marijuana issues turned into a great NFL player. They also have a kick return TD this season. And they're playing the Rams, who put up 6 points on the Steelers last week.

Kill - Roger Goodell ($35,000,000) - I mean, right? But what about everything this poor soul has gotten right over the years??? It's just really unfair what the media is doing to him. So my goal is to start a weekly Goodell Got It Right segment, which will be the first *and only* defense of the man on the entire internets. This week? NFL Overtimes! They're perfect right now. I love the half-win FG's. I love the situational football it riles up. I love how Pete Carroll called for an onside kick to start OT in Week 1, confusing everybody's interpretations of the rules, while wondering if it was secretly genius. It's perfect. Thanks Rog!!!!

My #1 FanDuel Lineup

QB - Derek Carr
RB - Eddie Lacy
RB - Devonta Freeman
WR - DeAndre Hopkins
WR - Amari Cooper
WR - Jordan Matthews
TE - Greg Olsen
K - Josh Lambo
DEF - Arizona

My #2 FanDuel Lineup

QB - Aaron Rodgers
RB - Latavius Murray
RB - Melvin Gordon
WR - James Jones
WR - Amari Cooper
WR - DeAndre Hopkins
TE - Martellus Bennett
K - Brandon McManus
DEF - Arizona

***If you're new to FanDuel, follow this link and click the yellow tab in the top right corner, and put in promo code DIRK to get special savings and make me monies***

Enter The Dirk League for Week 4 on FanDuel

Just one thing, Dude - do you have to use so many cuss words?

His Dirkness

Thursday, September 24, 2015

FanDuel NFL Week 3: Fuck, Marry, Kill

The FMK's are back, baby. Last week's article didn't come to fruition because I literally cried my ass off all over my CPU. It was messy, to say the least.

But I'm alright. As Chiefs fans, we've become somewhat accustomed to handling this level of sporture (that's sports torture for you squares). Not to mention, I'm watching the final season of Weeds right now, so you know I have a high tolerance level for this type of stuff.

A quick refresher on the format of this article since we're still in the beginning stages…

***If you're new to FanDuel, follow this link and click the yellow tab in the top right corner, and put in promo code DIRK to get special savings and make me monies***

Enter The Dirk League for Week 3 on FanDuel

Most of you know the game "Fuck, Marry, Kill." If you don't, here's an explanation, via (along with how I will apply it to FanDuel in parentheses):

~Fuck: This is your hit it and quit it option. It could be great while it lasts but they're better suited for a booty-call than a relationship ... (Low cost sleeper who's matchup dependent - great this week, maybe not so much next week).

~Marry: This one's good for the long term. Bring 'em home to mom, buy a home, raise a family, and spend a lifetime with them ... (High dollar stud who's gonna make it worth your while to break the bank on him this week).

~Kill: This is the one you can't stand the site of. Rid them from your life completely. (Hard pass who you don't want any part of this week).

I've even added a new wrinkle this week - Facebook pokes! - which will simply list some other guys I like at each position. Lets get it...


Fuck - Nick Foles ($6500) - And no, not because he looks just like Vera Farmiga (although that is part of it). The Steelers pass defense is the real temptress here -- an opposing QB's best friend on FanDuel (Kaepernick went for 335-2 last week). Not only is their pass defense awful, their offense might be the best in the league, so points will be scored every week. And garbage points taste just as good as regular points on FanDuel.

Marry - Andrew Luck ($9000) - The NFL is so great. The Seahawks, Colts, Ravens and Eagles all 0-2. Do you realize that was 4 of the top 7 teams favored to win the Super Bowl before the season? I expect Week 3 to bring a sense or urgency to each of these teams. It's put up or shut up time. And I think this Andrew Luck guy is still pretty good. I don't think he just lost it overnight. I expect him to go off against an overmatched Titans defense.

Kill - Tom Brady ($8700) - I know, I know, the low hanging fruit is there - Jacksonville at home. Chalk this one up to a hunch though. Outside of the '07-fuck-yo-momma Patriots, they have a tendency to play these types of games close, keeping their cards close to their hand. They also tend to zig when you think they'll zag. So Brady threw the ball 59 times last week. The Fun n' Gun Patriots! Not so fast, my friends. I'm feeling a 20-14 Pats victory where Brady throws for under 200 and LaGarrette finds a leftover Blount or two in the ashtray.

Facebook pokes - Russell Wilson, Ryan Fitzpatrick, Marcus Mariota, Josh McCown

Running Backs

Fuck - Latavius Murray ($7000) - Welcome to 2014's worst run defense, which is also 2015's worst run defense through 2 games (even though they held a 21-0 lead in one of those games) - The Cleveland Browns!!! (P.S. Roy Helu can't even see the field in Oakland. There should be 25 teams on the phone trying to acquire him, great receiving back.)

Marry - Jamaal Charles ($8700) - Ohhh, the anger on the sidelines. Taking all the blame after the game. Ten days of rest. Monday Night Football. QB coming off a subpar game. Going on the road to a hostile environment. Opposing offense you want to keep off the field. And a Packers defense that allowed 141 yards on the ground to Grandpa Forte. All over Jamaal this week.

Kill - C.J. Anderson ($7300) - The Kubiak scheme is weird. For whatever reason, some RB's just flourish in it. And I like Ronnie Hillman as the guy most likely to join Justin Forsett, Olandis Gary and Reuben Droughns at the 4am craps table.

Facebook pokes - Frank Gore, TJ Yeldon, Ryan Mathews/Darren Sproles (if DeMarco sits)

Wide Receivers

Fuck - Brandon Marshall ($7400) - Dude's got 13-163-2 so far on the season, squaring up against Joe Haden and Vontae Davis, two of the best CB's in the league. Now the Eagles come to town, still playing fast, just not, yanno, scoring fast. Their top CB has been a yuuuuge bust. Eric Decker might not play. Fahgeddaboutit.

Marry - A.J. Green ($8000) - Despite the two WR studs being worth every penny this week (Julio, Antonio), I'm going with AJG in order to share this FanDuel strategy with you - When a team's clear cut #1 WR is coming off a bad game, I believe that team will specifically draw up their gameplan to get him involved early and often. Given the egocentric nature of the position, it's best to keep these guys happy. Last week, you saw it with Allen Robinson. You saw it with ODB. Calvin Johnson saw 17 targets. Greg Olsen had 14. AJG struggled in Week 1. And they responded by getting him the ball early last week (1st quarter TD), just not often. I think he goes off this week, even with a tough matchup against Jimmy Smith, who he got the better of last season.

Kill - Andre Johnson ($6800) - He looks kinda done. It felt like Luck didn't even look his way on MNF. Every once in a while, they'd force a quick throw to him, but it wasn't in the flow of the offense. I'd definitely go with Hilton or Moncrief for your stack with Luck this week.

Facebook pokes - Antonio, Julio, Steve Smith, Jordan Matthews (I still believe!), Amari Cooper, Allen Robinson, Stevie Johnson

Tight Ends

Gronk (the new TE Fuck) - Jared Cook ($5400) - Cheap is tough at TE this week with Jordan Reed playing Thursday and Tyler Eifert's price hike. Should be points in Rams/Steelers and Cook has seen targets so far. I'd spend up though.

Marry - Jimmy Graham ($6300) - I don't think he's a good option all season, but the opportunity to force feed him the ball will be there this week against an atrocious Bears team that got even atrociouser after Cutler's injury. Also, see: AJ Green, above.

Kill - Jason Witten ($6000) - You might think so since Dez Bryant is out, but here's the mid-week update on the Cowboys TE - "Witten has brushed off a sprained knee and two sprained ankles suffered Sunday in order to take part in the initial practice of the week." Yah, no thanks.

Facebook pokes - Gronk, Kelce, Eifert, Olsen, Martellus - all the usual suspects


Fuck - Josh Lambo ($4500) - I've had a few people ask me my strategy on kickers. I will typically start a fresh lineup with a few players I'm specifically targeting, then insert the cheapest K/DEF that I like that week. Then I fill out the rest of my roster and if I have any money leftover, I go back to upgrade the K/DEF. And that's how FanDuel babies are made.

Marry - Ummmm, Nick Folk! ($4600)

Kill - Josh Scobee ($4600) - The Steelers are gonna give this 2 point conversion thing a go, God bless them. But that means Scobee won't see those XP freebies, which is enough for me not to ever play him.


Fuck - Jets ($4500) - I say Darrelle Revis is as dominant a player as JJ Watt, but we just don't see it. While you can watch Watt on every defensive snap, WR's just disappear off your screen onto Revis Island. His impact isn't nearly as tangible to the television viewer. But I believe he made the difference for the Patriots last season. And I believe he makes the Jets the best defense in the NFL this season.

Marry - Panthers ($4600) - Everybody will be on Seattle/New England this week, and justifiably so, but if you want to save a few dollars, the Panthers are hosting a struggling Saints team that may have the worse McCown brother under center.

Kill - Broncos ($4600) - Just fucking die.

My #1 FanDuel Lineup

QB - Andrew Luck
RB - Jamaal Charles
RB - Latavius Murray
WR - Donte Moncrief
WR - Brandon Marshall
WR - Allen Robinson
TE - Greg Olsen
K - Nick Folk
DEF - Patriots

***If you're new to FanDuel, follow this link and click the yellow tab in the top right corner, and put in promo code DIRK to get special savings and make me monies***

Enter The Dirk League for Week 3 on FanDuel

Just one thing, Dude - do you have to use so many cuss words?

His Dirkness
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