Wednesday, October 6, 2010

The Evolution of NFL Picks~AFC

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The NFL is the most constantly evolving sport in the world. It achieves success through great parody, a trait that all other leagues are jealous of (except for the NBA, which strives for the opposite). So why can't my predictions evolve along with the season (Original predictions here)? I got a chance to watch a lot of other teams during the Chiefs bye week, and assess just how much better the Chiefs are than all of them. After all, they are the last undefeated team in the NFL (odds of that: 1000/1).

So I will be taking a look back at my preseason predictions and adjusting wherever necessary. And we will be presenting the revised predictions the only way I know how, Family Feud style, with our host, Charles Darwin, the "Father of Evolution." Let the games begin...


AFC EAST

Initial Prediction: Miami Dolphins
Evolved Prediction: Charles Darwin SAYS.....New York Jets
Explanation: I was all set to potentially hand it to the Patriots and then...they traded who? Randy Moss? WHAT?!?!?!?! Bill Belichick has grown so incredibly arrogant in trying to win trades with teams and arguments with players that he has lost total sight of the big picture. Yes, it's a good trade because they'd be losing him after this year and they're getting compensation for him while they can. But, in a season with seemingly no dominant team, they threw away any chance they had at making a run for a title. So enjoy your 3rd round picks and your playoff losses (if you make it that far) Billy Boy. It's looking more and more likely that Scott Pioli was the long-term mastermind behind the Patriots. YES!!! Oh and by the way, the Vikings play the Patriots on Halloween. When I reached Randy Moss on twitter and asked him if he had any regrets on his Patriots tenure, he simply replied, "Next time I show my di......" Whoa, Randy, easy tiger. This is a family blog.

Oh yea, the Jets. I wasn't buying them before the season one iota. I got one leg up on the bandwagon now, though. Sanchez has been much better than I anticipated and LaTom is doing some work. And to tie everything together, The Jets now play the Vikings on Monday Night Football this week in a Moss-Revis rematch where shiite talking has already commenced. I'm predicting Moss goes off for 150 and touchdowns.

AFC NORTH

Initial Prediction: Cincinnati Bengals
Evolved Prediction: Chales Darwin SAYS.....Pittsburgh Steelers
Explanation: Darwin has a hold of me man. He makes some pretty strong points. We just got done discussing how the Steelers are probably the Super Bowl favorites right now. And Troy Polamalu is the most valuable non-quarterback in the NFL. Their defense is dominating teams like Ben Roethlisberger dominates women. Whoa, you can't say that. Just remember, those are Darwin's words, not mine.

AFC SOUTH

Initial Prediction: Indianapolis Colts
Evolved Prediction: Charles Darwin SAYS....Annhhhh....Indianapolis Colts
Explanation: I'm not fully sold on the Texans or the Titans overtaking the Colts yet. I think Indy's struggles continue, but they gut out the division title with something like a 10-6 record.

Semi Chiefs/Colts preview: I think the Chiefs can hang with them, as long as they don't get behind at all. There's a definite chance for a 41-10 blowout if the Colts get rolling. But, we match up well with them. Our secondary is strong to match up with their passing game. Our strong running game should be able to pound their weak run defense. Why can't we compete with them? Everybody is worried about them coming off of a loss, but Peyton is at his worst under immense pressure (PLAYOFFS?!?), and all of a sudden, their regular season is filled with pressure games. I'm not ready to pick the Chiefs, but I think we have a strong chance of winning, probably a better shot than at the Texans the next week. Oh, and I have pledges all over town that I'm doing naked cartwheels in the street if we win. Pictures available on this site.

AFC WEST

Initial Prediction: San Diego Chargers
Evolved Prediction: Charles Darwin SAYS.....Kansas City CHIEFS!!!
Explanation: This is a completely unbiased evolutionary process that is taking place. Natural selection is a better explanation. Or as Justin Timberlake eloquently puts it in The Social Network, "This is our time." Yea, Justin is right! If I can change, and J.T. can change, then everyone can change. Besides, everybody is tired of the whiny ass female doggs that play in San Diego. You're done, saun.


NFC Evolution Post coming later this week.....

His Dirkness

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Holy Shit man that article was amazing!

His Dirkness said...

Thank you anonymous user! The follow up on the AFC should be coming your way on Saturday. Thanks for reading.

Dirkness

Anonymous said...

Good article. Thank you.

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